Hello fellow humans,
As the week comes to a close and the zombies slowly begin to starve, its time to start getting smart about surviving. If you are still a human trying to make your way across this zombie infested campus, take heed of these pieces of advice.
1) Know Your Route
There are way to many zombies nowadays to just waltz outside and figure out the best was to get to your destination. Always plan out your route ahead of time. Learn where back doors lead and find your own safest routes to vital locations such as class and the DC.
2) Know the danger zones
The zombies know where you need and want to go. Convenience can kill as easily as a knife. The most crowded routes are death traps. Beware the “Square of Death”, the area between Founders, Magill, Barclay, and Ryan Gym. This place is a zombie feeding ground. I’ve lost too many friends there…*sob…..
3) Know your zombies
As you’re reading this, the closest friend you have in this game is being tagged and is probably a zombie. Stay informed. Check the statuses of those you know and if they are zombies avoid them like flames.
4) Don’t be SO Human
As I type this I see a fellow human walking…yep, right into the Square of Death. Poor soul. Note how he walks with his socks and other weapons fully exposed. Zombies can tell he’s scared by the way he twists his head side to side, occasionally preparing to strike a threat not there. He is telegraphing his entire identity. He’s done for…..yep, there ya go…they got him.
5) Don’t be a hero
Now don’t get me wrong. Sticking together is possibly the only way to get to vital locations on campus, but don’t be a superhero. If you see an encounter from far, don’t run into battle thinking you can help. You’re putting yourself at way to much risk. Sometimes others….*sob…just can’t be saved
Here are some other hints from the hilarious movie Zombieland, which will be shown on October 31st to November 2nd in Sharpless Auditorium. This movie and many more fun activities are brought to you by FAB!
Playing in this game you need to run, run , run. You running yet? Well you should be. Run to your dorm, run to your class, run to anyplace that has a roof and walls. Run Run Run.
7) Limber Up
You are going to be doing some heavy work in this game. Running, throwing, leaping, and maybe even crawling. You don’t wanna get any cramps or hurt your joints. So before you run outside, take some time to do some basic stretches. You’ll thank me later.